It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
