there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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