from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
