Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
