Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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