Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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