It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
