i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
