Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
