It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
