Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
