Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
