so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
