I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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