just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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