did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
