maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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