in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
