Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
