We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
