as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
