Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize