I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
