Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
