Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
