I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
