Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
