Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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