Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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