He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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