But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
