I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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