No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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