I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
