I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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