Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
