My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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