Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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