remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
