I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
