people are starting to question the shark bite story
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
