You smell like a Billy Joel song
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
