the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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