So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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