Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
