How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
