I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Everyone says I win the strip club
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
