The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
