I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
pray to the hookup gods
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
