so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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