You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
