There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
