dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
