Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
