please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
