No awkward lesbian experiences without me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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