I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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