he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Randomize
