How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
