Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
