T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
