He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
