i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
