this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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