Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
