I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
