My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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