Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize