She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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