Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
