fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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