I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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