I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
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Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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