I cannot find my penis.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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