I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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