My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
