i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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