Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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