I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
