its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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