So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
