batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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