I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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